no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
