We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
