please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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