there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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