dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
