We're like a lot better than the average bears
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
