my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
