Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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