i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
