I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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