you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize