And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
