I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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