He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
