I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
