i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
