oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
