3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
