Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
