batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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