Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
