One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
