That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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