I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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