i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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