i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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