Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
