then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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