My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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