Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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