We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's the barista slut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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