I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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