You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
