Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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