READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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