If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
