I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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