On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
