Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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