He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
