pop tarts are not kleenex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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