I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
