Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
