It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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