I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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