Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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