im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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