I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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