And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just cropdusted the office
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
