He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
