I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way