How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this is an emotional support booty call
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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