Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
