Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
