Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Too much gin, very little bucket
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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