What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just found a bag of teeth...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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