I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
