I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize