proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
