she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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