You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
