so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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