A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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