you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
