My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
