oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
