The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
