Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
